Comunicazioni divertenti TBT

[rex91]

Pilot: "Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo estabished ILS 16."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is Wien Tower."
Pilot: (short break) "Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!"
Pilot: (short break again) "Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?"
Tower: "You can believe me, this is Vienna!
Pilot: (once again short break) "But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!"
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava."

Fantastica questa!!!!!!!!

[MarcOne]

[massimiliano]

Questa se vera è veramente il massimo !!!!!

Mi immagino il pilota con il vetro abbassato che chiede ad un altro aero che passa lì di fianco : "scusi, collega, ma per Bratislava vado bene ?".........

[Raptor50]

Rispolvero questo thread per postare qualche altra simpatica conversazione che ho trovato:


Controller to aircraft that just landed: "Bear right, next intersection"
Pilot: "Roger, we have him in sight"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

True conversation heard at Hanover Airport. The young woman in Tower has recently finished her training and is still not completely at ease. BA XXX is at holding position runway 09R. Another aircraft is doing approach procedures for a landing on the same runway. Tower wishes to expedite take-off for BA XXX:

Tower: BA XXX, are you ready for a quickie ?

BA XXX: Lady, I'm always ready for a quickie, but first I have to fly this plane to Helsinki !

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Transmission as a DC-10 rolls out long after a fast landing...)
San Jose Tower: American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Heard on the radio - Really )
Cessna: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!"
Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tower: "xxxx, clear to land"
XXXX: "roger"
Tower: "xxxx, I can not see any landing gear. Is your gear down?"
XXXX: "Say again, I can't hear you because there a some darn horn blaring in my ear!"
Tower: "Your landing gear is NOT DOWN"
XXXX: "Say what, I can't understand you"
Tower: "Your landing gear is ..... aw shit."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to departure...by the way as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "National 63 cleared for takeoff...did you copy the report from Eastern?"
National 63: "Roger, Tower, cleared for takeoff... yes, we've already notified our caterers."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pilot: Oakland Ground, Cessna 1234 at Sierra Academy. Taxi, Destination Stockton
Ground: Cessna 1234, Taxi Approved, report leaving the airport

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A beautiful summer day with good thermals, near Billund airport, Denmark:
Billund ATC: "Gliders 82 and D5, state position and altitude?"
82: Overhead Coal Lake, 6400 feet."
D5: "Same position, same altitude."
ATC (cool, dry voice): "So should I go get my collision report form?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tower: "Mission 123, do you have problems?"
Pilot: "I think, I have lost my compass."
Tower: "Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

727 pilot: "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?"
Controller: "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Controller: "Air Force 53, it appears your engine has... oh... disregard, I see you've already ejected."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

München II Tower: "LH 8610 cleared for take-off."
Pilot (LH 8610): "But we are not even landed."
Tower: Yes, who is then standing at 26 south ? "
Pilot (LH 8801): "LH 8801."
Tower: "OK, then you are cleared for take-off."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tower: "Aircraft on final, go around, there's an aircraft on the runway!"
Pilot Trainee: "Roger" (pilot continues approach)
Tower: "Aircraft, I said GO AROUND!!!"!
Pilot Trainee: "Roger"
The trainee doesn't react, lands the aircraft on the numbers, rolls to a twin standing in the middle of the runway, goes around the twin and continues to the taxiway.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

For months after California's Northridge earthquake of 1994, aftershocks rocked the San Fernando Valley and Van Nuys Airport. One morning about three weeks after the initial quake there was a particularly sharp aftershock.

Moments later on Van Nuys' ground control frequency: "Uh, four-three-kilo would like to file a pilot report for moderate turbulence on the east taxiway..."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Heard from the radio at EFHK (Helsinki, Finland)

A MD-80 was holding short of runway 22 during the rush-hour.
Tower: "XXX123, are you ready for immediate?`"
XXX123: "Affirm."
Tower: "XXX123, roger, cleared for IMMEDIATE takeoff runway 22, wind XXX at XX."
XXX123: "cleared for immediate 22."

So the MD-80 taxies to a position and stops...

Tower: "XXX123, you're going or not??"
XXX123: "Yes yes, we're going in a moment."
Tower: "If you would had rear-view mirrors in that plane of yours, you would've taken off five minutes ago!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

(check the callsign of the answering aircraft)
CZQM: "Nova 895 contact Moncton on 127.12"
ARN871: "Over to 127.12, for Nova 871. We'll talk to you later."
CZQM: "Maybe sooner than you think."
(a few seconds pass...)
ARN871: "Uh, Moncton, they didn't want to talk to us on 127.12..."
CZQM: "See what I mean?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

7MA: Cessna 187MA is 5 NE, landing, with the numbers.
HYA: Roger 7MA, make straight-in runway 22. Say type landing.
7MA: We're a Cessna 182.
HYA: Negative, say *type* landing.
7MA: Uh, 7MA is a Cessna 182 slant Uniform.
HYA: 7MA, I say again, say **type** landing.
7MA: (Silence) A good one I hope.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.
Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.
Controller: oooohhh! You have traffic!