Comunicazioni divertenti TBT

[air.surfer]

British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.
Control Tower replies: “And where is the world's most experienced airline going today without filing a flight plan?”
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ATC: “ Alitalia 345 continue taxi to 26L South via Tango - check for workers along taxiway.”
Alitalia 345: “Roger, Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked - all are working”
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Nova 851: “Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15.”
Halifax Terminal (female): “Nova 851, Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06.”
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Lost student pilot: “Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, please identify yourself.”
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Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what?
Pilot: Yes, SIR!
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Frankfurt Contol: “AF1733, You are eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots.”
Pilot: “Roger”, Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots .”
Control: (a few moments later): “AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now 1 1/2 mile ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots.”
Pilot: “AF thirty-three speed back to 110 knots”
Control: “AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now 1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots”
Pilot (a little miffed): “Sir, do you know what the stall speed of the 737 is?”
Control: “No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you.”
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ATC: “Cessna 123, What are your intentions? “
Cessna: “To get my Commercial Pilots License and Instrument Rating.”
ATC: “I meant in the next five minutes not years.”
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Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.
Pilot: Uh... approach, we”re a single ship.
Controller: Oh, Oh, Shit! You have traffic!
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O”Hare Approach: USA212, cleared ILS runway 32L approach, maintain 250 knots.
USA212: Roger that, how long do you need me to maintain that speed?
O”Hare Approach: All the way to the gate if you can.
USA212: Ah, OK, but you better warn ground control.
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ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 3,000 ft on QNH, altimeter 1019.
Pan AM 1: Could you give that to me in inches?
ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 36,000 inches on QNH, altimeter 1019
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Cessna 152: “Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred”
Controller: “Roger, contact Houston Space Center “
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Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.
ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.
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Student Pilot: “I'm lost; I'm over a big lake and heading toward the big "E".
Controller: “Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar.” (short pause)... Controller: “Okay then. That big lake is the Atlantic Ocean . Suggest you turn to the big "W" immediately.”
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Pilot: “Approach, Acme Flt 202, with you at 12,000” and 40 DME.”
Approach: “Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000”.
Pilot: “Approach, 202's unable that descent rate.”
Approach: “What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?”
Pilot: “Yep. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours.”
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Tower: “American...and for your information, you were slightly to the left of the centerline on that approach.”
American: “That's correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to the right”
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Controller: “USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60.”(pause)
Controller: “USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!” (pause)
Controller: “USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!”
Pilot: “Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you'd get a better response!”
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BB: “Barnburner 123, Request 8000 feet.”
Bay Approach: “Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude.”
BB: “Because the last 2 times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been run over by some bozos at 8500 feet going the wrong way!”
Bay Approach: “That's a good reason. 8000 approved.”
------------------------------------
Controller: “IB123 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 330 or 340?”
Pilot: “A340 of course!”
Controller: “Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and give me 1000 feet per minute, please?”
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Tower: “Cessna 123, turn right now and report your heading.”
Pilot: “Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345...”
---------------------------------
Controller: “CRX600, are you on course to SUL?”
Pilot: “More or less.”
Controller: “So proceed a little bit more to SUL.”
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Pilot: “Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please.”
Tower: “KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.”
Pilot: “Please confirm: two hours delay?”
Tower: “Affirmative.”
Pilot: “In that case, cancel the good morning!

[Beorn]

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ATC: “ Alitalia 345 continue taxi to 26L South via Tango - check for workers along taxiway.”
Alitalia 345: “Roger, Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked - all are working”
-----------------------

Ahahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Questo eri tu!! Ammettilo!!!!!

[air.surfer]

Questo eri tu!! Ammettilo!!!!!

Biddaio... stai mettendo a dura prova il mio tipico self-control...

[SIPRO1A]

Che belle

[Prisucci89]

bellissime!!! Need> more!!!!!!!!!!

[Luke3]

Grande!

Controller: “CRX600, are you on course to SUL?”
Pilot: “More or less.”
Controller: “So proceed a little bit more to SUL.”

Madò un pò di tempo con Roma Informazioni ho assistito ad una scena simile mentre cazziava un P-68

Roma Informazioni: I-xxxx mi conferma sul punto "Alpha"?
I-xxxx: affermativo siamo più o meno sul punto "Alpha" per l'I-xx
Roma Informazioni: Io sullo schermo vi vedo a 7 miglia dall'Alpha, è abbastanza più o meno per voi? La prossima volta rispettate rotte e quote standard che mi stanno già facendo i cazziatoni da Fiumicino.

[Achille]

Troppo belle! Aspetto le prossime....

[ELTAR]

http://www.schiratti.com/humour.html

[b747-8]

ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

[Prisucci89]

Going in Circles

A controller mistakenly tells a Cessna on the ground rather than one in the air to “execute a three-sixty turn.” When he sees that the target in the air is not following his instructions, he repeats the command. A pilot on the ground quickly taxis in a circle, saying, “I’m doing it as fast as I can.”

[Tony88]

sono bellissime

[povvo]

semplicemente spettacolari!!!!

[neutrinomu]

Nova 851: “Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15.”
Halifax Terminal (female): “Nova 851, Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06.”

[MarcoGT]

Bellissimeeee

[wing05]

aggiungo questa:
operatore di un "aeroporto minore" chiama un velivolo che stava eseguendo " volo locale dichiarato per circa 30' in quanto si erano presentati 3 traffici a 20nm con richiesta per atterraggio..

TRW I-xxAP vostra posizione e intenzioni ? ---- nessuna risposta
alla terza chiamata qualche minuto più tardi questa volta piuttosto "energica" finalmente la risposta ....

I- xxAP avanti

TWR vostra posizione ed intenzioni ?

beh ..ma posizione di prima o di adesso ??
seduti e comodi a 4500 ft godendoci il panorama, per le intenzioni.....(silezio di tomba ) terminare il volo e poi andremo a pranzo ma non abbiamo deciso ancora dove....

TWR : ricevuto state la fermi a quella quota mentre gli altri scendono...

[noone]

ahahah
Un paio sono da sbellicarsi...

[atalanta89]

ahahahaha stra belle!!!

[Hartmann]

[Superkick]

ATC: “ Alitalia 345 continue taxi to 26L South via Tango - check for workers along taxiway.”
Alitalia 345: “Roger, Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked - all are working”

Nova 851: “Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15.”
Halifax Terminal (female): “Nova 851, Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06.”

Controller: “USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60.”(pause)
Controller: “USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!” (pause)
Controller: “USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!”
Pilot: “Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you'd get a better response!”

Le migliori

[MalboroLi]

meravigliose

Cessna 152: "Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred"
Controller: "Roger, contact Houston Space Center"

[alainvolo]

L'utente alainvolo ha richiesto in data 31 ottobre 2011 la cancellazione del suo account e la rimozione dei suoi post.

[AirGek]

Ma sono casi veri o barzellette?Comunque molto divertenti.

Io so questa basata su un caso vero:

Un carabiniere fa il suo primo volo da solista attorno al campo e il controllore gli chiede:
"I-XXXX riportate altezza e posizione"
I-XXXX: "Beh sono alto 1 e 85 e sto seduto!"

Eccerto, appena abbiamo una figuraccia da raccontare prendiamo subito come soggetto un Carabiniere, dai dai alain... dillo che eri tu dai....

[FAS]

Ma sono casi veri o barzellette?Comunque molto divertenti.

Io so questa basata su un caso vero:

Un carabiniere fa il suo primo volo da solista attorno al campo e il controllore gli chiede:
"I-XXXX riportate altezza e posizione"
I-XXXX: "Beh sono alto 1 e 85 e sto seduto!"

Eccerto, appena abbiamo una figuraccia da raccontare prendiamo subito come soggetto un Carabiniere, dai dai alain... dillo che eri tu dai....

ha prestato il servizio militare nei CC

[mormegil]

uhauhauhaha bellissime

ATC: "N123YZ, say altitude."
N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say airspeed."
N123YZ: "AIRSPEED!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say cancel IFR."
N123YZ: "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."

Tower: "Hotel Papa Oscar climb four thousand to six thousand and maintain."
Pilot: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climbing flight level 100."
Tower: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climb to flight level 60 and maintain."
Pilot: "But four plus six is ten, isn't it?"
Tower: "You should climb, not add up."

[Appe]

Eccezionali!!

[Outermarker]

ATC:"Delta 351, say altitude"
Delta351:"Altitude!"
ATC:"Delta 351, say heading"
Delta351:"Heading!"
ATC:"Allright Delta 351, say 'cancel IFR'"
Delta351:"Heading 340, flight level 280, Delta 351"

[AirGek]

Ero con un mio istruttore quindi non mi sono permesso ma avevo la battuta pronta.

Lasciando Oristano chiediamo all'APP di seguire la 131, la risposta fu "negativo diriggetevi verso xxx". Allora chiediamo di salire di quota, la risposta fu "negativo mantenere quota attuale". Fossi stato da solo gli avrei risposto "la mia banca è differente"

[alainvolo]

L'utente alainvolo ha richiesto in data 31 ottobre 2011 la cancellazione del suo account e la rimozione dei suoi post.

[Prisucci89]

Alain è un pilota e anche Appuntato Carabiniere

[davymax]

Alain è un pilota

piano con i paroloni

[ciccioxx92]

Alain è un pilota

piano con i paroloni

Belle tutte quante comunque!!!

[L_P]

Bellissime! Poi ce ne sono tantissime altre in video di Youtube, c'era un altro argomento da qualche parte sul tema...

[Marco92]

Adesso non me la ricordo esattamente, ma l'ho sentita da un video di Youtube, nell'aeroporto di Manchester.
Volo in avvicinamento diretto per l'atterraggio
Controllore : XXX, 747 on RNW.
Pilota XXX: Roger that. We can see Big Mama.

Scusate se sono stato un po' impreciso, ma non mi ricordo esattamente.

[87Nemesis87]

big mama

[blusky]

Belle!!!